I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I do, however, believe in birthday resolutions. Does it not make more sense considering that it's your special day or whatever? Or is it just me? Well, I make my resolutions on my birthday, nonetheless, and this year it was born out of a phrase that I heard on Oprah the other day that, I think, not only will stick with me through this coming year but be put into practice for the rest of my life.
We've all been in the following situations, some of us more often than others. And we all know that there's a fine line between being overly suggestive and being out right pushy and crossing boundaries. We've all encountered these situations with people, whether it be a friend trying to talk you into going out when you don't feel like it, a co-worker who always wants you to drive when going out for lunch, or a salesperson trying to sell you something you neither need nor want. We've all felt it and we all know that your basic force is compromised when people try to push you in a certain direction, when they know that you really don't want to do it and they continue to ignore your hints and ultimately won't take no for an answer. And when you finally give-in and say yes, you're really saying no to yourself.
So every time you say yes to someone you're saying no to yourself.
This lesson has been a long-time-coming for me and is a common theme among many women, especially young women. I'm 34 today and I'm feeling old this year for the first time. Not only do I feel older and wiser, (which is a wonderful thing) I'm feeling more empowered to go after the things that I want and deserve, big and small. For example, pursuing a writing career is a dream of mine and sustaining the little things in life are important to me as well. An example of a little, but very important thing that a lot of moms can relate to is not letting other people control or complicate daily life decisions like what time or where to have your child's birthday parties or if your child should or shouldn't know how to tie their own shoe laces at a certain age, etc...
Let me tell you, don't waste another moment listening to such nonsense, (however it may apply to your life) and don't be bullied or manipulated any longer; take the power that is yours back today. After all, These are your dreams and the only ones you'll get. These are your children and the only ones you'll get. This is your life and the only one you'll get.
This is a hard lesson for a lot of women and most rape/assault victims say they were just trying to be nice when they helped the guy carry the groceries to the car or whatever the situation was, even though their gut was screaming 'be afraid', they gave-in and said yes and ended up paying the ultimate price.
What is the root of saying yes when we don't want to, you ask? In my case, it's the fear of not being liked. That's why, in the past, I have often given in to people and said yes to various daily life situations when I really wanted and needed to say no. But no longer, my friends. I'm learning that not being liked is okay. That not having other people's approval is okay. That standing firm in your decision is okay. And that having your way and maintaining your personal boundaries is your right as a human being and as a woman whose life is her own. And I've come to realize that, as far as this realm of thinking is concerned, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have to be liked and those who do not. And let me tell you, people, those who don't care about what others think of them are most definitely the happier and the freer of the two.
Of course, if I were a man, this would not be an issue at all because we all know that men and women are socially conditioned in two very different ways and certain behaviors are acceptable for men to display and, at the same time, (even in this day and age) unacceptable for women to display because women are suppose to be cute, enjoyable, pleasant, obliging and very mindful not to have too big of opinions or, God forbid, people just won't like you!
I know that I will do everything in my power to make sure that my girls are not taught this socially sick and distressing lie. I want them to be happy, first and foremost, and if that means not being liked for whatever reason? So be it. Will I be viewed as a selfish bitch in my quest for freedom to do what I want for my own happiness' sake? Maybe to some men and maybe even some short-sighted, imprudent women who have been brainwashed to fit nicely into the social fabric of non-assertive, miserable and disenfranchised women. Am I embracing the power that is my life? Yes. Am I passionate about this? Yes. Why? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna get mines.
Because... that's just how I roll.
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